Not
too
many
years
ago,
I
noted
that
on
the
second
day
of
October,
with
fall
barely
wet
behind
the
leaves
and
Halloween
yet
to
come,
twenty
Santa
Clauses
piled
onto
Lolly
the
Trolley
and
careened
through
downtown
Cleveland
ho-ho-hoing
to
call
attention
to
the
sale
of
holiday
greeting
cards
by
a
local
charity.
Some,
such
as
myself,
waxed
nostalgic,
betraying
their
advanced
age
by
musing
about
a
time
when
Christmas
didn't
start
until
the
day
after
Thanksgiving.
No
doubt,
more
than
one
self-appointed
moralist
also
decried
the
Santas'
early
appearance,
chiding
us
all
for
mundane
materialism
and
warning
against
the
dangers
of
empty
secularism.
Before you fire off an indignant email to me, please understand that I
am using the term "Christmas" to refer to the well-established, all-American orgy of indulgence and consumption otherwise known as "the holiday season," and not to the also well-established but quite different religious event of the same name with which some of you are familiar.
Tinsel
now
blooms
in
early
October
all
across
the
country,
possibly
from
climatic
changes
dues
to
global
warming.
More
likely,
however,
it's
just
another
indication
of
the
steady
trend
toward
year-round
Christmas.
We
now
get
to
enjoy
Christmas
for
three
months,
one
quarter
of
the
year.
It's
a
step
in
the
right
direction,
but
we
could
do
better.
With
proper
planning
and
appropriate
legislation,
we
could
celebrate
not
the
twelve
days
of
Christmas,
but
the
twelve
months
of
Christmas.
(How's
that
for
a
stimulus
package!)
To
distribute
Christmas
evenly
around
the
calendar,
your
designated
holiday
time
would
be
determined
by
your
last
name.
Those
whose
surnames
begin
with
A
or
B
would
have
Christmas
in
January.
Families
whose
names
start
with
C
and
D
would
celebrate
in
February,
and
so
on.
Modern
households
with
two
or
more
surnames
may
register
under
the
name
of
their
choice
or,
if
they
can
afford
it,
celebrate
twice.
Or
thrice.
All
the
better
for
the
retail
sector,
I
say.
A
holiday
equalization,
standardization
and
normalization
act
establishing
a
twelve-month
Christmas
could
have
tremendous
benefits
for
our
economy.
Text
your
representative
now
and
encourage
Congress
to
move
on
this
as
soon
as
possible.
Such
action
would
even
out
cash
flow
for
boutiques,
caterers
and
greeting
card
companies.
It
would
stabilize
the
twinkle-light
trade
and
improve
the
market
for
fruitcake
futures.
Airlines
could
charge
holiday
fares
all
year
'round,
and
department
stores
could
increase
customer
traffic
by
running
after-Christmas
sales
at
the
end
of
every
month.
A
year-round
Christmas
would
mean
school
and
church
choirs
could
save
rehearsal
time
-
and
drastically
cut
their
music
budgets
-
by
singing
the
same
holiday
selections
all
year.
Television
networks
could
virtually
eliminate
production
costs
by
completely
revamping
their
programming
schedules
and
endlessly
re-running
the
now
endlessly-annual
holiday
specials.
"Why
can't
we
have
Christmas
the
whole
year
around?"
asks
an
old
song.
Well,
we
can.
In
fact,
we've
already
got
a
good
start
on
it.
